first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes..........divorce court.

I went to a friend's wedding this past weekend. It was a great day and really good to see (and catch up with) a lot of people I haven't seen in a while. Chris and I got to dress up, I had make up on for the first time in months, and I really felt like I got to crawl out from the SAHM cave that I live in. One of the people I ran into - Miss S - is a friend I used to work with and a good friend of the bride. I found out a few days before the wedding that Miss S and her husband of 9 years had recently gotten divorced. I remember when they were dating, engaged, newly married, birth of their first child, etc, and I couldn't sleep for thinking about them and how shocked I was at the news. At the wedding, I found out that another friend - Miss K - (who got married the same day that chris and I did) is seperated and looking to divorce.

Like most things, for me it wasn't specifically that either of these couples got/are getting divorced or that anyone gets divorced, but like I used to harass my cousins before I had kids and quit my job to stay at home, I need to know that I WILL BE OK. I used to call Kimberly and Wren asking them how much money it cost to have kids (you can tell I had no clue about raising kids), when would they go back to work, what were they going to do for retirement, how did they spend their day...basically I just wanted them to tell me it would be ok and that I would be able to make it once i had kids and quit my job - I wanted them to tell me they loved it, they had plently of money, didn't worry about retirement and that there were no struggles. I don't think either of them came up with a dollar figure or laid out a retirement plan for me (although kimberly gave me some timeline for how long you can be a room mother), I had to learn and figure it out for myself. When Chris and I were dating/getting engaged, I was so scared because I didn't want to get divorced (yes, I am messed up in the head - have we not met?). I had to believe that no matter what happened, I would BE OK. If he left me, cheated on me, whatever, I could pick up the pieces and be ok. It made me think of the 3rd Indiana Jones movie (Last Crusaide?) where Harrison Ford has to take a 'leap of faith' and walk out onto a bridge he can't see until he is standing on it. That's what getting married was for me - a leap of faith. I have quite a few friends who are divorced and a few that have even gotten remaried. I think some people don't put as much of an effort into their marriage as they should, and having one, and now two kids has made it that much more difficult. I am glad to have a marriage 8 years in that I still am glad to be in, and one that I still want to work on and make better every day. I think about the friends that were married the same year as we were and, true to national average, about 1/2 are divorced. I feel sometimes like Chris and I are just getting started. We used to joke about phase 1 of our marriage was living in Utah, then phase 2 was moving back and buying a house, phase 3 was abby, 4 was libby and the other day we said we didn't know what phase 5 would be other than just continuing on, trying to make the happiest family life we could for us and our kids. I guess that's all we can hope for...making every day count, and having a leap of faith that it will all work out ok in the end.